Alejandro Sanz is back. After a tumultuous period in which he has separated, changed record labels – from Universal to Sony – and has worried his fans after posting a message in which he stated “I'm not okay, sometimes I don't even want to exist”, today he releases the first single of his new stage: Palmeras en el jardín (Palm Trees in the Garden), a song about love and heartbreak that directly references –“because of your ways, you know life that I die, but you will always be La Havana and I will always be Madrid”– his ex-partner, the Cuban Rachel Valdés.
The crisis
“I felt a hole in my chest, a lack of emotion, and the sensation scared me, I didn't recognize it”
After that message of 'sometimes I don't even want to be', how are you?
I'm okay, I'm better. It's a process in life to be okay. Also, you can never be 100% okay. There is always a percentage of uncertainty, of things that create more or less anxiety. But I'm much better. The message helped me a lot to find the way to evolve and get out of that really ugly place.
What was that place?
It's a feeling, not easy to explain because it's not sadness or anxiety, it's like a hole. I used to describe it as a hole in my chest, an absence of emotion. I didn't feel excited about anything, and above all, I was very scared of the feeling because I didn't recognize it. It was the result of a lot of things I had been doing wrong for years in how I treated myself and how I related to others, especially with my work. Work was always the top priority, and I was always in second place. That, along with some triggers, led to this. I've always been a super optimistic guy, with a good sense of humor who loves to laugh. Then one day, I woke up with this thing, and it scared me a lot.
Have their messages stirred up the debate on mental health?
Many people have been working to give it visibility. Society is already very aware. What I did had an impact that I swear I didn't know it was going to have, I wrote before going to sleep, went to bed, and when I woke up, I saw the reaction, I got scared and tweeted that I was feeling better. Society is very aware that it is very important for people to know that it's okay to feel bad, because these emotions often bring feelings of guilt, shame, and modesty, things that don't help.
In your new project, you ensure that there are topics that have emerged from the wounds of the soul. What are they?
At some point, I wanted to boast that I was able to write without being hurt: I was a professional. But when you have wounds, you are much more productive in creating. Especially because you have to heal them, and healing begins by expressing and letting out all that pain. Those wounds are everything that happened to me during that time, losses, separations, disappointments, this hole that appeared in my chest. And I have been unraveling a little bit of that world in each song on the album in order to gradually heal it.
Alejandro Sanz in a moment of the music video for the song 'Palmeras en el jardín'
Is it a therapeutic disk?
Music is so because it is based on the premise that when you have something inside you, the first thing you have to do is talk about it; if you have a pain, you have to give it a name.
Is 'Palmeras en el jardín' the prelude to a confessional album?
In the album, there are many branches. It's not going to be just songs with this depth of lyrics, but it's a statement of intent to make this song and show it first, a way of saying here I am, this is my essence, and I invite you to come in and get to know the rest of the house. But I have always liked to be very eclectic in albums, there is pop, salsa, flamenco, perhaps it's more minimalist in the arrangements, taking away some of the grandeur, but still seeking beauty.
“I have reached a point where I call things by their name more often, and in this Netflix documentary series there will be a lot of truth”
Your single means putting the wound in the air: it is automatic to think about your ex-partner. Were you shy?
I had my doubts, because it's not a matter of airing my life either, you can remove the palm trees and put olive trees or cacti, everyone can put whatever they want, I put them because it was my situation and it seemed to me that in poetry there was also that way of saying we have reached a point where we have tried everything and we have done our best but it has not been enough and we have found ourselves surrounded by all this that has distanced us. But without any fear: if I don't tell it, it seems like I'm not being honest enough and I felt I had to tell it that way. And, with everything that's going on in the world, how can I be ashamed of this? If I only come to bring a little peace and sanity.
By the way, your Netflix series, is it sanity or madness?
It's a nonsense. Every day I am happy and regretful three times. But many things are going to surprise. Due to the stage I am in and the process I have experienced, I have reached a point where I call things by their name and in this documentary series there is a lot of truth. At least my truth and many things that may not be known about how my work functions and some situations need to be overcome to do what you want and defend your career.
Your single begins with with a 'And now, what?'. What's next for Alejandro Sanz?
Now, let's continue, to discover what lies ahead and see how this reaches people and what it evokes in us. Now, let's live.
