Statistics show that in Spain older men prefer much younger women
Longevity
According to statistics, heterosexual women prefer to have relationships with men their own age or older, while men prefer them younger, regardless of their own age
Age-difference relationships are valued very differently when the woman is older in the couple. Among the reasons are sexism and ageism in society, according to specialists in sociology, gender, and psychology
Bullfighter Enrique Ponce and his partner, Ana Soria, 26 years younger
“I believe that someone who is 60 and is looking for girls aged 20 or 25 has issues,” José Coronado recently referred to senior men who are only attracted to much younger women, with age differences of 30 or 40 years. The actor described this phenomenon as “boring, illogical, and unnatural,” stating that it is not consistent with evolving with one's own age. His statements went viral because they prompted reflection and because there is still undoubtedly debate on this issue.
Cases of celebrities dating women who are 30, 40, or even 60 years younger than them are numerous. Leonardo DiCaprio, about to turn 50, is now dating Vittoria Ceretti, who just turned 26, after several relationships with younger women. Enrique Ponce, aged 52, is set to marry his new partner Ana Soria, who is 25. Donald and Melania Trump have a 24-year age difference, Anthony Kiedis of Red Hot Chili Peppers was with Helena Vestergaard, who was 40 years his junior... The list goes on. While there are also famous women dating younger men (such as Emmanuel and Brigitte Macron, Madonna with her recent partners, Shakira and Piqué at one time), it is not as common as the reverse.
Heterosexual women prefer to have sex-affective relationships with men their own age throughout their lives, while men prefer younger women”
Statistics are clear: this circumstance is not exclusive to the star system. “Studies show that heterosexual women prefer to have sex-affective relationships with men of their age throughout their lives, while men prefer younger women, regardless of their own age,” explains sociologist Marta Suero, who comments on data from the Idescat (Statistical Institute of Catalonia) on marriages in Catalonia in 2021. In 65% of heterosexual marriages, men are older than their female partners, with an age difference of between one and nine years. In 7% of marriages, the man is 10 or more years older than the woman. The data does not even consider —due to their scarcity— unions in which the woman is more than 10 years older than the man.
“The problem is that it often involves asymmetrical relationships where various axes of inequality intersect. One is gender: older men, younger women. Another is social class: affluent men with women in less favorable social positions or backgrounds. There is a clear privilege of the white man from the middle or upper class and Western,” adds Suero, who agrees with Coral Herrera, a writer, educator, and communicator, a Ph.D. in Humanities known for her analysis and critique of the 'myth of romantic love'.
According to Herrera, the significant age difference in some couples is explained by two essential factors: gender and money. “It is almost always men who are attracted to much younger women. Additionally, there are no 70-year-old men who are poor, living on a pension of a thousand euros, who are with a 30-year-old woman; the woman is always from a lower social class than the man. It is evident that it is a matter of power. When the woman is older - as was the case with the Duchess of Alba and Alfonso Díez - she is also from a higher social class.” Relationships are indeed influenced by economic issues. “In a capitalist and patriarchal society, that's the way the pattern works: men with more power can access younger women,” Herrera adds.
In the same vein, Silvia Catalán, a psychologist, sexologist, and couples therapist, believes that “women are, at times, seen as a decorative element. We have been treated as a possession, a symbol of power. Having a young and attractive woman is a sign of capability, of status. The attractiveness attributed to women lies in youth and fertility. On the other hand, an older woman with a younger partner is often judged as if she were playing a motherly role, it is said to be a marriage of convenience... In contrast, Donald and Melania Trump are seen as a normal couple, a view that is a product of the heteropatriarchal society. It is assumed that any powerful man should be with a younger partner, 'look at what I can afford', just like he can afford a fancy car.”
In a capitalist and patriarchal society, that model is as follows: men with more power can access younger women”
Can relationships with a large age difference be lasting and healthy? “In general, this leads to unequal relationships,” says Catalán. “You have one person with a lot of life experience, with another who does not have as much. The ideal in relationships is for both partners to be in the same stage of life. A five-year age difference, between 15 and 20, will result in an unequal relationship because the individuals are in different life stages. If one person is 25 and the other is 30, they will already be in a similar life stage. However, if we're talking about a 70-year-old and a 30-year-old, this is very complicated; the older person is positioned above the other, in a position of superiority,” says the psychologist.
A study from Emory University in Atlanta, United States, determined that a one to two-year age difference would be ideal in couples, but up to five or ten years of difference can be reasonable. “Beyond a 10 or 20-year age difference, there can be underlying psychological issues,” says Lara Ferreiro, a psychologist, specialist in couple therapy, and author of the book Addicted to an Idiot, who agrees with José Coronado's statements. Those hidden psychological reasons Ferreiro refers to can be diverse. “There may be an existential crisis or a midlife crisis, when some men feel they are aging and are afraid, it's the so-called midorexia. You want to feel eternally young and you want to experience that youth through your partners.”
This results in unequal relationships. We have one person with a lot of life experience, and another who doesn't have as much (...). The elder positions themselves above the other, in a position of superiority”
According to Ferreiro, “after divorcing a woman of similar age, some men turn to the pendulum theory, seeking the opposite, a woman 20 or 30 years younger. Sometimes these men have not gone through the essential stages of life, have not experienced everything they needed to, or they may even be living with a Peter Pan syndrome, perhaps they have not matured. Many times these individuals are already unfaithful to their wives with this younger person, and then they divorce.” As explained by psychologist Ashley Madison, an app for infidelity, with 80 million users worldwide, their data shows that many men are unfaithful with younger women.
This specialist in romantic relationships also points to power dynamics to explain the phenomenon. “An older man feels much more comfortable, more experienced, and can manage the other person much more easily. The loss of vitality of a 50 or 70-year-old person and the fear of death approaching, and choosing younger partners is like starting to resolve it.”
Many times they are very asymmetric, unhealthy relationships, since each one is resolving their shortcomings through the other”
Leonardo DiCaprio and Vittoria Ceretti
Young women involved with older men are often labeled as “opportunistic”: it is considered that they are the ones benefiting from the relationship, rather than the men taking advantage of their youth. “It benefits both parties, the issue is why we judge them, believing that they are interested, and not the men. Nowadays, we still live with a gender pay gap, more precarious working conditions for us, unemployment affects women more, we earn less... The economic difference and lack of autonomy lead us to continue trying to achieve a certain economic level through marriage or relationships. It's not that they are taking advantage, but rather seeking to escape from precarity. This is a very common narrative in our Western culture: Cinderella, Snow White, commoners who come out of poverty and thanks to love become princesses...”, shares Coral Herrera.
In the case of Hollywood, it's not about women with financial problems, “but being with an older and famous man gives you public exposure and fame,” adds the author of books like The Romantic Contract (2021, Waterfall). “Also, we can't forget that one of our roles is that of a sexual object and ornament. The younger and prettier they are, the more their prestige is raised by the male. Additionally, young women also raise their social status by being with older or powerful men.”
Women devalue ourselves as we get older, from gray hairs, kilos, and wrinkles”
Psychologically, according to Ferreiro, these young women “may have what is called unresolved Electra complex, that is, when there may have been traumas with the father and they try to resolve unconscious conflicts through their partner, that's why they may seek a much older man to protect them.” There may also be a factor of admiration. “A man 20 or 30 years older has a much more stable economy, can be much more generous. It's an exchange of beauty and youth for financial stability, the reassurance that this person will support them economically or provide that security.” That's why, Ferreiro also emphasizes, “many times these are very asymmetrical, unhealthy relationships, since each one is trying to address their deficiencies through the other.”
Sexism, patriarchy, and ageism come together in a toxic cocktail in all of this. Ageism affects women much more, as our society tends to point fingers at them when they are older, making them less desirable to many men of their own generation. “Youth is an imperative in our society, and in this patriarchal imagery, women are devalued as they age, with gray hair, extra pounds, and wrinkles. Female beauty, in this patriarchal context, is always understood as looking young,” Suero concludes.